Plaid Patterns

New Beginnings: The REAL me.

2011-05-16T23:01:00.003-05:00

http://taranicolemoss.com

Not sure what I'll do with this blog, but I've started at the new one with my last post.

...constantly evolving. that's me.

Running with Patience!

2011-05-09T17:36:00.001-05:00

In March 2009 I began to feel more and more pressure to seek purpose for my life. I was a month away from turning 24, and perhaps at the beginning of what my friends have described as the "quarter-life crisis". Looking back at my journal entries from that time, I literally struggled with this for two years! I say "struggle" because I had no idea how to conquer what I felt was a battle between life and death. Each day that I wasn't in "purpose," I felt like I was experiencing a slow death. I wanted to live! After many hours of prayer, counsel and silent reflection (2 years worth...) I finally made the decision to step out on faith and live! If you've been reading my blog for the past few months, you already know this; but I recently had a revelation on how to tackle my next steps.

I attend an awesome, spirit-filled church in Brooklyn and the pastor recently preached about patience. He relayed the story of the Israelites' impatience when Moses was on the mountain with God for 40 days. In their impatience, they created a golden calf to worship rather than waiting on what Moses would have to tell them when he returned (Exodus 32: 1-8). During the sermon, the pastor referenced a verse in Hebrews and said that we shouldn't idly wait on God, but should "run with patience" when we are awaiting a word from Him. My revelation was that I should continue to go forward with my plans, and know that God will let me know in His timing (not mine) if I am in His will. If this entrepreneurial venture that I am working on is not truly His will, it will not succeed. But I shouldn't be afraid to go forward with it in the meantime (the patiently-waiting-time). In the process of navigating this idea and trying to make it come to fruition, He is molding me for what He has in store for me. Either way, it's not in vain! For example, Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers, but every experience or misfortune was molding him for who would become. When he was reunited with his brothers after many years, they fell at his feet and begged for his forgiveness, but Joseph said, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." [Genesis 50: 20 NIV]*

But, I want to get back to that verse from Hebrews. For context, Hebrews 12:1-3 states the following:

¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. [NIV, 2011]

This version says "perseverance" rather than "patience," so in my quest to find the version that says "patience" (the King James Version) I came across a couple more interpretations:

"run with endurance" [NLT]
"run with patient endurance" [Amplified]

For even more context, below are some definitions:

patience: an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay
endurance: the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina
perseverance: steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement

My personal favorite is "perseverance" because the definition has the word "purpose" in it. Each and every one of us has a specific purpose. Some know it at 10-years-old, but that does not mean these individuals will not face obstacles while progressing toward their purpose. In the end, we have to be patient and wait on God's timing, we must build endurance so we can continue to run even when we "just don't feel like it," and persevere in spite of obstacles. The Message version sums this up perfectly: we must "start running - and never quit."

Every experience is continually building us up to become the person we were meant to be from the very beginning of time. Let's not allow setbacks or apparent failure prevent us from "running with patience!"

*Joseph's entire story is relayed in Genesis 37-50

Finding Focus, Part II

2011-04-29T16:04:00.000-05:00

A couple weeks ago I wrote about finding focus in my life. I have so much I want to accomplish, but I need to tackle one thing at a time to really make an impact. Yet, even after writing that post, distractions got the best of me and kept me from doing any real work. I was in a church play that ended on Easter, so the rehearsal and performance schedule took up a bit of my time. However, it didn't take up ALL of my time, so what did I do with the rest of it? Well, for one, I worked out pretty much everyday. While that's good and will get me to my goal weight of 105 lbs, it won't write a business plan!

So I know what I have to do: eliminate distractions! If I'm going to launch this venture by the end of the summer, I have to let the non-essentials go. I have to become a producer, not a consumer. That means the television must stay off (sorry Housewives, but the drama must be shut out!). It also means I must make progress each and EVERY day.

To keep me honest, I'm going to post my goals for the next three months here. On August 1st, I'm going to come back to this post and see where I am. Of course I'll update you along the way, and I'll admit I need support! The days are long, yet time is short and I must keep my motivation up! Feel free to join me on this journey with your 3-month goals, we'll encourage each other!

May - July Goals:
1. Lose 15 lbs to finally weigh 105 lbs again :)
2. Complete my business plan and launch my entrepreneurial venture
3. Run three 5Ks

My main goal to accomplish is to launch this venture. The other two are extremely important to me and will simply become a part of my daily routine. Let's go!

I AM ADEQUATE...

2011-04-13T03:54:00.000-05:00

Today, I dare you to take your greatest insecurity and flip it on its head. The title of the post is "I AM ADEQUATE" because for the longest I didn't think I was good enough. I was either too short, not smart enough (or too smart), too [insert insecurity here]. Then on a flight home this past January, I heard "something" say, "You are enough". To me, that meant that I am adequate for God's plan for me. He created me exactly as I am, and I am fully sufficient to do His will. Any skill that I lack to complete any task, He will supply. As a reference, when Moses was called to be the leader of the Israelites' exodus from Egypt, he told God that he wasn't fit to complete the task (Exodus 3:11 NIV). But, God already knew Moses' limitations before He called him to be the leader. He was adequate for God's plan for him.

When I arrived home that January day, I went directly over to my dry erase board and wrote in all caps, I AM ADEQUATE. That way, each time I entered my room I would read those words and remind myself that I am enough. Insecurities only have control if we allow them to limit our potential. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Let's stop giving our insecurities the consent to make us feel inferior as well.

Finding Focus

2011-04-12T20:46:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I turn 26. With that said, I've decided that it's time to find focus. I've been free for 12 days now, and though I have a ton of ideas about what I want to get into, I am about to buckle down and FOCUS on one of them. Sure, it's okay to be a Jane of all trades, but I don't want to be a "master of none". If I'm going to be great, I have to figure out exactly what I want to be great in!

When I began to seriously contemplate leaving my job, I wrote a list of "likes" and "dislikes" and posted it to the wall in my room. Here's that list:

Likes:
- Photography
- Fashion
- Food/Coffee
- Music
- Travel
- Autonomy
- The Arts (Films, Plays, Acting, etc.)
- Writing
- Learning/Research
- FREEDOM

Dislikes:
- Healthcare IT
- Traveling EVERY week
- Being behind a desk all day/week
- Liars/Manipulators
- Inconsistency

As you can see, I simply wrote a list. I had no intent to stay within a particular theme, but I'm sure the dislikes were derived directly from my work situation :) After I posted the list, I thought to myself, "what can I do that encompasses all of the likes, yet eliminates (or minimizes) the dislikes?" My first guess was to pursue photography, but I quickly realized that there is still a steep learning curve I must climb in order to call myself a "professional". I consider myself a good photographer, and I plan to still develop this talent, but for me (at least at this point in the game), it's probably not the best choice to take the lead.

Though this didn't make the "like" list that day, I've always wanted to be an entrepreneur. I have an ultimate entrepreneurial goal that is going to take a lot of work to develop, but a more accessible goal manifested itself a few weeks ago. I'm not quite ready to share this goal with the blogosphere, but I've decided that it will be my focus while I'm not working. In fact, it actually involves each of the likes that I listed, though it revolves around only one. I can't explain how excited I am about this journey! I know it's going to be a ton of work to launch this new venture, but if I'm going to live life on my own terms I can't be afraid of hard work and sleepless nights - especially if it involves purpose.

In closing, for those that are seeking purpose, I make this suggestion: write down a list of likes and dislikes. This simple exercise will allow you to visually see what you want more of and less of in your life. Though we can't always eliminate those items that make our "dislike" lists, we can be sure to avoid them once we know what they actually are. Consciousness is our greatest asset. I'm finally awake. Are you?

Quotable

2011-04-06T19:33:00.000-05:00

Notable quotes from Dr. Cornel West:

"To be a Christian is to live dangerously, honestly, freely - to step in the name of love as if you may land on nothing, yet to keep on stepping because the something that sustains you no empire can give you and no empire can take away."

"America was a corporation before it was a country"

Day 1

2011-04-01T17:53:00.000-05:00

A mere five weeks ago, I gave my job notice that I'd be leaving on March 31st. Now, the 31st has come and gone and I've finally taken the first step to pursue the life I imagine. So often we get caught up in fear of failure that we fail to even try to pursue our dreams. I once felt trapped by that prison named Fear, but now I'm ready to take on the world - even if that means failure.

If I fail to accomplish a few goals here and there... it's okay. I'll be okay because life will go on. I'll pick myself up off the floor, and try again... with better discernment. I believe failure enhances wisdom. And, my main goal is to be wise. So, to Failure I say, "I ain't scared of you!"

Repost: The Laboratory of Life

2011-03-29T23:24:00.001-05:00

So I took this directly from this blog, but it speaks directly to my situation right now. Here's the short story: I quit my job, and my last day is tomorrow. I don't necessarily know what tomorrow holds, but I know that I'm not afraid to step out on faith and live the life I imagine. I encourage you to do the same... responsibly, I must add. Here's to destiny!

March 28, 2011
DailyOM
Take Action
There is a popular misconception that we might be able to just wish our dreams into being. Maybe on some other level of consciousness this is the case, but here on earth what we need to do is take action in our lives. Vision is an important companion to our efforts, but it can’t accomplish anything all by itself. When we focus on what we want and ask for what we want, we are initiating a conversation with the universe. Our desires, passionately defined and expressed, bring about valuable and relevant opportunities, which we then respond to by either taking or leaving them.

Many of us are afraid to step out into the world and make things happen, and so we hang back, dreaming and waiting and watching. There are times in life when this is the right thing to do, but this phase of inaction must eventually give way to its opposite if we are to build our dreams into a reality. This can be really scary, and we may fail and struggle, but that’s okay because that’s what we’re supposed to do. Waiting for everything to be perfect before we act, or waiting for what we want to be handed to us, leaves us waiting forever. No one expects us to be perfect, so the best thing we can do for ourselves is to get out there and take action on our dreams.

One of the hardest parts about having a vision is that when we test it in the laboratory of life, it often comes out looking completely different than what we had in mind or, worse, it doesn’t come out at all. If you read the life stories of people who have brought their dreams into reality, you will hear many stories about this experience. But you will also hear about hard work, taking action, perseverance, and, finally, the successful birthing of a dream.

Greater Than the Sun

2011-03-20T10:47:00.002-05:00

"I mean, the sun don't get no days off... so why I'm gon take a day off?" - Phonte

Zo! - Greater Than The Sun feat. Phonte | Official Music Video from The Foreign Exchange on Vimeo.

Hide Me

2011-03-02T07:37:00.000-06:00

When I went to college I was completely on fire for Christ. I was in His Word, I sought Him daily in prayer, and I tried to maintain relationships within my Christian family. But, somewhere along the way I became caught up in the world and completely dismissed Christ from my life. I stopped going to church, I stopped reading the Bible, and I stopped praying. I felt like He had departed from me, so I decided to depart from Him. I began reading books on agnosticism, and though I never doubted the existence of God, I began to doubt the existence of Christ (I'm being really transparent here, so bear with me).

An emptiness began to overwhelm me, and I felt incomplete. I was single at the time, and even the company of a male counterpart couldn't fulfill me. In fact, I felt even more empty. It wasn't until a friend invited me back to church that I realized why I felt so unfulfilled. I sat in the pew simply as an observer, but God knew it was His opportunity to reenter my life. During praise and worship I kept hearing something say, "you can't hide from me, you can only hide in me".

That day, I began a long journey back to being in relationship with Christ. That simple phrase ignited a desire to understand how I could hide in Him. In His word, He says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13 NIV) Basically, when we seek Him, we find that He's in our heart. His Holy Spirit lives in us, therefore in our hearts we find refuge in Him. In essence, He never left me. When I felt alone, he was just giving me space to seek Him again because He gives us free will to choose to love Him and be in relationship in Him. He says, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Joshua 1:5b NIV)

It's so refreshing to know that even when I tried to go my own way and figure life out on my own, He was patiently waiting for me to return to him to claim my destiny. Ever since I've decided to love Him and seek Him, He's shown me that he is faithful to His word. I'm choosing life over death, and I'm so thankful that He never gave up on me. He hides me, and I hide in Him.

The Departure

2011-02-05T22:34:00.002-06:00

DSC_0283, originally uploaded by nickyhazel.

I had the privilege of photographing soldiers departing to Afghanistan while waiting in the airport terminal a few days ago. I hope these images inspire you, intrigue you, and most of all remind you that we are still at war. Though we don't have to think of war in our daily lives as these courageous men and women do, we must not forget the sacrifice they are making to keep us safe.

God Bless these men and women! Many thanks to them for allowing me to walk among them and document their departure.

See more images here.

He is Sovereign!

2011-01-09T21:19:00.000-06:00

God doesn't need me. He's fully supreme and independent, but He chooses to use me to fulfill His purpose. Last week, God showed me that all I need to do is trust Him and have faith that He's in control. So, I've decided that I'm giving up my will for His because He has a future for me that I cannot even begin to imagine. I'm ready to finally take faithful steps to claim my destiny!

Inspiration for 2011, Part II

2011-01-07T10:22:00.007-06:00

I take my first class February 3rd in ATL...

Inspiration for 2011

2010-12-26T13:37:00.000-06:00

No Jobs? Young Graduates Make Their Own
By HANNAH SELIGSON

FIVE years ago, after graduating from New York University with a film degree and thousands of dollars in student loans, Scott Gerber moved back in with his parents on Staten Island. He then took out more loans to start a new-media and technology company, but he didn’t have a clear market in mind; the company went belly up in 2006.

“It made me feel demoralized and humiliated,” he says. “I wondered if this was really what post-collegiate life was supposed to be like. Did I do something wrong? The answers weren’t apparent to me.”

Still in debt, Mr. Gerber considered his career options. His mother kept encouraging him to get a “real” job, the kind that comes with an office and a boss. But, using the last $700 in his bank account, he decided to start another company instead.

With the new company, called Sizzle It, Mr. Gerber vowed to find a niche, reduce overhead and generally be more frugal. The company, which specializes in short promotional videos, was profitable the first year, he says.

Mr. Gerber, now 27, isn’t a millionaire, but he’s paid off his loans and doesn’t have to live with his parents (he rents an apartment in Hoboken, N.J.). And he thinks his experience can help other young people who face a daunting unemployment rate.

In October, Mr. Gerber started the Young Entrepreneur Council “to create a shift from a résumé-driven society to one where people create their own jobs,” he says. “The jobs are going to come from the entrepreneurial level.”

Read the rest here.

Missing in Action

2010-11-20T18:51:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, my boyfriend asked me why I haven't written anything on my blog in a while. To him I replied, "I don't know." And, that's the truth: I don't know why I haven't blogged lately. I've blamed it on lack of time, but with the time I spend in flight to and from work every week, I've had time. I just haven't made time. Or, perhaps, I just haven't been inspired to write. I guess that's it: the thrill is gone...

How? Who knows. The other day, I think I labeled it depression, but I know that's just an excuse. I'm not depressed... just detached a little bit. It's easy to be detached if you live my life. I'm gone 4 days out of a 7 day week, and I find it easier to avoid breaking promises by just not making them at all. "Tuesday night dinner," they ask. "Sorry, I can't make it, I'll be in (insert city here)," I reply. And by Thursday evening when I finally hit my doorstep at 8ish (if I'm lucky), I just want to be home, around my stuff. That's it.

What used to be an adventurous journey has become a prison. And, I need to break free. It's crazy how much your life can change in 2 1/2 years...

I'll be back soon... I promise.

for colored girls...

2010-10-02T00:23:00.003-05:00

I'm..

2010-09-14T18:22:00.000-05:00

an artist trapped in a suit with a pair of scissors in my hand.

untitled

2010-06-23T12:15:00.002-05:00

a new fave

2010-06-23T09:48:00.002-05:00

I heard her sing this is concert a couple weeks ago, and Miss Monae is the truth! Definitely a breath of fresh air...

get this in your life!

2010-06-22T21:44:00.005-05:00

i cried...

2010-06-10T15:39:00.000-05:00

the other day. And, I'm not talking a few tears of release. I had a 4-hour, body-jerking, air-gasping cry-til-i'm-out-of-tears kinda cry. The next day I awoke with a face so swollen it was unrecognizable... even makeup and glasses couldn't hide the stranger in my reflection.

But, I feel better. I made a phone call the next morning that will probably change my life for the better. I've made a decision to just go for it. If I fail... at least I tried. If I succeed, it was mine all along.

Tears are meant to cleanse. Thank you, God.

the flood. nashville, tn.

2010-05-03T22:11:00.001-05:00

25

2010-04-13T06:41:00.002-05:00

let's get it!

Can I Get a Gold Star for GLEE?

2010-04-12T17:59:00.002-05:00

Please help me make my birthday wish come true! I uploaded a video to MySpace to audition for a role on Glee. If you've never heard of Glee, check it out on Fox this Tuesday, April 13th (which is also my birthday) after American Idol. Basically, it's a show about a High School Glee Club :-) They're currently looking to fill roles for the second season, and have opened it up to all 16-26 year olds. You can go to this link:

GOLD STAR ME FOR GLEE

to watch my video. I need you to log into MySpace and give me a gold star (if you think I have what it takes...let's hope you do.lol). If you don't have a MySpace account, you can create one and delete it after giving me a star ;-) The more gold stars I get, the more the casting directors will notice my video!

Thanks in advance for your support!

Spread the word... I need as many gold stars as I can get!

-Tara Nicole AKA nicky hazel

my life part 2: the video

2010-03-30T14:44:00.002-05:00

countdown to twenty-five

2010-03-11T17:50:00.001-06:00

I looked at the calendar this afternoon and realized that tomorrow will mark 31 days until I turn 25. Thirty-one days, or one month 'til the thirteenth of April. On a normal Thursday afternoon I'd be on a flight home trying to figure out what to get into for the weekend. Today I sit in a hotel room (my home away from home) for an extended work week and reflect on what 25 means.

I remember thinking at different points in life, "at 25 I'll get married...", "at 25 I'll be living the life I imagine", "at 25 I'll be exactly who God intends me to be." Yet I'm faced with the stark reality that I probably won't get married while I'm 25, I haven't prepared to live the life I imagine, and I haven't allowed God to speak to my heart. Essentially, I'm just here.

So, I've decided to take a break for 31 days. I'm going to sit still and seek God's face so that all other things will fall into place. I need direction, I crave purpose, and doing the same 'ol thing is getting me the same 'ol results: nothing.

I don't know what this break will entail. I don't know if it means I'll take a fast from social networking or stop watching television entirely. What I do know is that 25 will be the beginning of the best years of my life. No regrets, no shame, just a life that's lived purposefully.

It's crazy how my journal just ran out the other day...

Let this new journey begin!

song of the day: "i'm beamin"

2010-03-11T07:36:00.000-06:00

Youtube doesn't really do it justice since you can't feel the baseline (or hear it that well either), but this song is hot nonetheless!

words to live by:

2010-03-08T18:39:00.000-06:00

" If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done."
"Be sure to stay busy and plant a variety of crops, for you never know which will grow – perhaps they all will."

-Ecclesiastes 11:4 &11:6, NLT

Looks like I have some work to do...

life.

2010-03-03T20:46:00.000-06:00

Daily.
The story unfolds -
tomorrow's promises
diminish yesterday's troubles.

quotable.

2010-02-19T15:43:00.000-06:00

"Capitalism used to be like an eagle, but now it's more like a vulture. It used to be strong enough to go and suck anybody's blood whether they were strong or not. But now it has become more cowardly, like the vulture, and it can only suck the blood of the helpless." --Malcolm X

family portrait

2010-02-16T01:11:00.005-06:00

This post evolved while I was on my flight to Denver this morning . I hope it compels you to accept and appreciate family for who they are and are not. LOVE is love. That's it.

A Reflection on those Chosen for Me

Scholars argue whether nature or nurture is the dominant force that shapes human behavior. We can choose neither the environment nor the pedigree in which are are born. We can, however, choose the course we want to follow in life. Therein rests endless possibilities. I'm choosing to build upon the platform placed beneath my feet and honor the pedigree in which I was placed. In the end, fate will have the upper hand - and I'm okay with that. It would be unfair for the legacy to end with me.

My Family Tree:

I. A world without her could only exist in fiction. Her zest for life is, perchance, a circumstance of fate. Yet, it has undoubtedly become the foundation for her survival. Her selfless love allows her to weave a tapestry of resources resolute to defend the greater good. Her gregarious nature presents as both an asset and liability;but, nonetheless, it's her gift.

II. Taunted by the finality we each face, he shakes heartache - commanding it to "pass me over". With a smile that can illuminate even the darkest of places, he creates a space where it's okay to just be you - encouraged even. His picture is in Webster next to "provider" - a task he's committed himself to accomplishing. He seeks no accolades, just a call every once in awhile to say "hello". It's his gift.

III. A melancholy surface forces you to believe it permeates his entire being. A gently chuckle proves otherwise. An infectious laugh I recognize as my own paints the portrait of this man. His simple insignia reminds me of his role in my life with each holiday card. A fact not forgotten, only recently reinforced. A master at re-creation, he reminds me that it's never too late. It's his gift.

IV. She is the epitome of loyalty. Her hard exterior masks an empathetic heart that hurts often. She's the type of person that has to "warm up" to you. There's no getting over on this girl! That's why betrayal is her greatest enemy. Unfortunately, an enemy she has had to face often. Even so, she endures - her strength unmatched by even the most vicious of foes. It's her gift.

V. She's in love with the idea of love. She lives it, breathes it, and expects it everyday - from everyone. Her heart is as big as the world is round and she's a person that truly cares - for everyone. She wants you to be happy, and if you're not, she's not. That means her heart hurts often. Nevertheless, with each bruise she loves more, cares more and expects more. It's her gift.

VI. She likes to love from afar. She disappears into the horizon with each passing day to the point that a return seems unlikely. Yet her charm forces you to forgive, forget, and reconnect. She's the ultimate charismatic that can relate to the world. Even if you're far from hers. It's her gift.

VII. His pain draws you into him. Though hidden by years of separation from the source - it exists. You can try to empathize, but it's a battle that must be fought alone. He's a victor in his own right with a shield of armor embossed with stubborn tears. Yet and still, his spirit survives. It's his gift.

What's your gift?

there's still hope for haiti

2010-02-09T13:21:00.005-06:00

For all you iPhone users obsessed with pretty protective cases (like myself), do something good with your next purchase - make a donation to the Red Cross for Haiti!

Uncommon has created 7 iPhone cases bundled into the Haiti Relief Collection. You'll even be happy to learn that 100% of the proceeds will go to Haiti (it's not one of those 70/30 deals that many retailers are offering).

I just bought the "Haiti Fractured Mosaic" case for my phone:

Let's not forget that 1 month, 1 year, 5 years from now...Haiti will still need our help.

One Love.

new home

2010-02-08T16:10:00.002-06:00

Hi Friends - If you're subscribing through any readers (Google Reader, etc.), I have a new home! You can now find me at www.nickyhazel.com ! More changes coming soon...

my life

2010-02-07T15:40:00.001-06:00

living the life i imagine

2010-02-06T06:29:00.001-06:00

Repost from Hopeful Dreams Today by way of DailyOM:

February 4, 2010
Practicing Nonattachment
Allowing Our Children To Be

"Truly loving our children requires us to set them free and practice nonattachment. Trust and allow."

Parenting asks us to rise to some of the most difficult challenges this world has to offer, and one of its greatest paradoxes arises around the issue of attachment. On the one hand, successful parenting requires that we love our children, and most of us love in a very attached way. On the other hand, it also requires that we let go of our children at the appropriate times, which means we must practice some level of nonattachment. Many parents find this difficult because we love our children fiercely, more than we will ever love anyone, and this can cause us to overstep our bounds with them as their independence grows. Yet truly loving them requires that we set them free.

Attachment to outcome is perhaps the greatest obstacle on the parenting path, and the one that teaches us the most about the importance of practicing nonattachment. We commonly perceive our children to be extensions of ourselves, imagining that we know what’s best for them, but our children are people in their own right with their own paths to follow in this world. They may be called to move in directions we fear, don’t respect, or don’t understand, yet we must let them go. This letting go happens gradually throughout our lives with our children until we finally honor them as fully grown adults who no longer require our guidance. At this point, it is important that we treat them as peers who may or may not seek our input into their lives. This allows them, and us, to fully realize the greatest gift parents can offer their offspring —independence.

Letting go in any area of life requires a deep trust in the universe, in the overall meaning and purpose of existence. Remembering that there is more to us and our children than meets the eye can help us practice nonattachment, even when we feel overwhelmed by concern and the desire to interfere. We are all souls making our way in the world and making our way, ultimately, back to the same source. This can be our mantra as we let our children go in peace and confidence.

couture heaven

2010-02-03T17:56:00.006-06:00

I LOVE THIS DRESS!

Armani Prive Spring 2010 Couture

See the rest here.

You might think I'm crazy on this one, but I actually love this too! (Not as much as the Armani dress, though.)

Jean Paul Gaultier Spring 2010 Couture

Come on! It's haute couture...

See the rest here.

oh afriKa!

2010-02-02T21:00:00.002-06:00

Happy Black History Month! If you want to learn about ending it, go here.

The difference a letter makes...

2010-02-01T22:17:00.001-06:00

A duet or a duel? You choose.

i heart beyonce

2010-02-01T16:10:00.001-06:00

And I'm not afraid to admit it!

Watch CBS News Videos Online

i couldn't resist sharing...

2010-01-26T17:41:00.001-06:00

From the YBPguide:

"When the 'Negro Dialect' is okay"
Over the last few weeks cable shows and folks on the ‘net have been pondering the question of whether Nevada Senator Harry Reid is racist for saying that it was a good thing that President Obama can turn his “Negro dialect” on and off. While the senator’s comments bring up several questions on race, racism should not have been the focus of those discussing the controversy. For many blacks, and particularly for the young black professional, Reid’s comment hinted at something more complex than racism, but the idea that sociologist W.E.B Dubois brought up more than 100 years ago—this idea of double consciousness, that black Americans have to have two identities—their black “self” and their white “self.” Reid articulated the oft-held idea by blacks and whites alike that in order to succeed in the professional work world, African Americans must distance themselves completely from black culture (unless of course you’re a rapper or basketball player). Controversial scholar John McWhorter puts the debate back on the right track in an article for The New Republic. McWhorter who is a linguist by trade, broke down the double standard:

It’s a love/hate relationship we have with black speech. On the one hand we associate it with emotional honesty, vernacular warmth, and sex – Marvin Gaye would not have had a hit with “Why Don’t We Venture to Consummate Our Relationship?” or even “Let’s Have Sex” instead of “Let’s Get It On.” Yet it’s not a dialect – a sound – that we associate with explaining Greek verbs or cosines or engaging in complex reasoning. Black English sounds cool, and even hot, and maybe “sharp” – but note that sharp is what you call someone who you wouldn’t necessarily expect to be smart … and who you don’t actually think is all that smart.

That’s a shame because Black English is as systematic as standard English, and what we hear as “mistakes” are just variations, not denigrations. Try telling a French person that double negatives are “illogical.” The “unconjugated” be in a sentence like Folks be tryin’ it out is used in a very particular way to indicate habits rather than current events, making explicit something that standard English leaves to context.

Read the rest here.

a motherless child

2010-01-24T21:54:00.003-06:00

heartbeat

2010-01-21T22:58:00.002-06:00

my heart aches for haiti

2010-01-18T20:17:00.005-06:00

A comment that Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon made on Larry King Live tonight struck a chord with me. She said, "for so long, no one cared...for so long, no one knew us." Her comment touched me because it's the truth - a very sad truth. Haiti fought for independence from France under the leadership Toussaint L'Ouverture - and won. Since then, Haitians have been fighting poverty, corruption, and exploitation. I'm ashamed that I, too, had forgotten Haiti.

This tragedy has given the world an opportunity to redeem itself. I'm proud to say that initial efforts have proven that we are up for the task. It's my prayer that the aid continues. A year from now, I want to read that Haiti is being rebuilt - that this long-forgotten county has etched a mark on our hearts that cannot be erased.

I'm making my pledge. What will you do?

Garcelle, from now on, we will care. From now on, we will acknowledge you.

history.

2010-01-17T10:35:00.002-06:00

Mos Def Feat. Talib Kweli-History (Creative Control Color Edit) from Creative Control on Vimeo.

out with the old, in with the NEW!

2009-12-30T13:05:00.003-06:00

Last year I posted a list of 15 things I learned in 2008. I think I'll do the same this year, then add 15 things I resolve to accomplish in 2010. I hope you also take a self-inventory...it's so important to reflect on our past to be better equipped to tackle the future!

What I learned in 2009:
1. Growth is not an option, it's a requirement.
2. You can't really choose who you love...you can, however, choose to nurture it or dismiss it.
3. Allowing yourself to be emotional is okay. Making decisions while emotionally unstable is not okay.
4. You should always follow your heart.
5. If you allow God to orders your steps, you will always walk upon solid ground.
6. I really don't like lying.
7. With that said, you must first be honest with yourself if you expect others to be honest with you.
8. Life is too short not to live in purpose daily.
9. You can't change people. You can choose to love them for who they are, or leave them alone.
10. My sanity should be my top priority.
11. Everything good, bad, or in between happens for a reason. I FINALLY get it.
12. I'm a lot stronger than I give myself credit for.
13. Complaining and action are not complimentary. You're either doing one or the other.
14. Some people don't deserve you in their life. Let it go...
15. My future is very bright... having a vision for your life is essential.

What I plan to accomplish in 2010:
1. Finish my book. (Page 1 is getting lonely...)
2. Take hold of my dreams and live like my life depends on making them a reality.
3. Take a trip to Africa.
4. Save more money!
5. Run at least 4 half-marathons.
6. Start my business(es).
7. Move to ______. (Sorry, I can't announce where yet)
8. Maintain my connections with family and friends better.
9. Let go and let God.
10. Read more.
11. Write more.
12. Listen more. (This includes listening to my heart more)
13. Take up photography as a new hobby.
14. Let love guide me.
15. Aim high...allow myself to take purposeful steps and dismiss all fear.

author unknown

2009-12-21T16:26:00.000-06:00

"style is my voice before I ever say a word."

true words.

hopefully this will be the first of many.

2009-12-12T15:02:00.005-06:00

Check out my article in the Commercial Appeal! It was published on December 9, 2009.

Read it below, too:
On the morning of Dec. 5, I crossed the finish line of the St. Jude Half-Marathon. It was the third time I said I was going to run in a half-marathon, but it was the first time I committed myself to finishing. I believe I was able to finish because I was home ... in Memphis. Two and a half years ago when I graduated from Vanderbilt, I said I would never move back to the Memphis area. I grew up in Millington and had the best experience one could imagine, but I was determined not to move home and get "stuck."

However, life had a different plan for me. Last spring I developed an overwhelming desire to be around my family, and that summer I moved home. It's been the best decision I've ever made thus far. While home, I've been able to truly reflect and define who I am because I have a support system in place that pushes me to achieve my dreams every day. I've grown more confident in my abilities and have begun my quest to live in purpose. It seems that the collective has equipped me with the tools to dream bigger and seek greater realms of success. I didn't have that when I was alone in Nashville. All I had was a degree, a job, and the weekend.

With the self-confidence I've re-discovered while home, I decided it was time to tackle the half-marathon, again.

I started a weekly regimen with my best friend, Chasity Martinez, and her mother, Barbara Miller, four months before the race.

On Dec. 5, a little over three hours after I began, I jogged across the finish line. With that 13.1-mile journey, I assured myself that whatever I can imagine, whatever my heart desires, I can accomplish through hard work, dedication and unrelenting perseverance.

Today I hold my head a little higher. I smile a little wider. I leave each and every fear, insecurity and painful memory at that finish line.

Today, I walk in purpose.

Thank you, Memphis!

this made my week worth it!

2009-12-11T23:31:00.007-06:00

Skip to the 3:00 minute mark. You'll know why...

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

soldier of love

2009-12-08T12:19:00.000-06:00

She's baaaaaack!!! Sade, that is.

i finished my first half-marathon today.

2009-12-05T18:35:00.006-06:00

I am soooo proud of myself (and my team "Curls R Us")...completely.

I plan to write about the experience after I get this body transplant... aaahhh the pain!!!

i need this in my life.

2009-12-04T12:55:00.007-06:00

Banana Republic Pom Pom Ring

mute goes a long way.

2009-12-02T10:31:00.003-06:00

Sometimes when I work from home, I turn the TV on and put it on mute just to make me feel like I'm not sitting in the house alone. I tune in to the Today Show from 7-10am - almost as a mini-ritual of sorts. This morning I saw singing and dancing from the cast of MEMPHIS the Musical and decided this may need to go on my list of shows to see next time I visit NY. Then, I found the video online to listen to what I saw:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Yeeaaaa...I immediately crossed it off the list.

I WILL SUCCEED.

2009-11-28T19:38:00.000-06:00

I was born on 4:13.

Stop. Now Go!

2009-11-22T09:16:00.000-06:00

Sometimes starting over isn't such a bad idea.

concrete jungle where dreams are made of!!!

2009-11-20T15:02:00.001-06:00

life is precious: part 2

2009-11-09T18:46:00.003-06:00

I'm still mad PRECIOUS isn't opening in my city until the 20th, especially since I just finished re-reading the book in preparation for the release. My lucky friends that were able to see the film have said it's AMAZING (further fueling my frustration...) In waiting, I read this article about the director, Lee Daniels, and his initial apprehension with showing this film at Cannes. He brings up some interesting points and also lets us learn more about him as a person. I hope you enjoy :-)

The Audacity of "Precious"
by Lynn Hirschberg
NY Times, October 21, 2009

I.
At the Cannes International Film Festival in May, in the loud, chaotic bar at the Martinez Hotel, Lee Daniels seemed, as he often does, both ecstatic and nervous. He jumped, he slumped, his mood changing from giddy to anxious. He was the only black man in the crowded bar, a fact that he mentioned and then brushed away. He was dressed unremarkably in a loose, untucked shirt and slouchy khaki pants, but his hair, an electric corona of six-inch fusilli-like spirals, demanded notice. Although Daniels will be 50 this year, he has the bouncy, mercurial energy of a child. The previous night, at the gala screening of his movie “Precious,” which he directed and helped produce, he greeted the audience by saying, “I’m a little homo, I’m a little Euro and I’m a little ghetto.” The crowd cheered.
Daniels knows what he’s selling: his films combine street-smart bravado with an art-house sensibility. “Precious,” the harrowing story of a 350-pound illiterate teenage girl who is pregnant for the second time by her father and horribly abused by her mother, is shot in an almost-documentary style interspersed with fantasy sequences. (It opens Nov. 6.) Like most independent films, it is character-driven, and at its heart is a spirit of understanding. When Precious’s plight lands her in a special school, she blossoms: the audience’s initial rejection of Precious, even repulsion at the sight of her, slowly gives way to a kind of identification.

Read the rest here.

he's baaaaack...well, almost.

2009-11-07T21:04:00.001-06:00

VIEW LARGER
The Sounds of VTech / Bilal: LEVELS

fall back friday: "certainly"

2009-11-06T14:27:00.002-06:00

Unfortunately, when your heart gets involved, so do your emotions. "Who gave you permission to rearrange me?" - Ugh...

"maybe we outta think twice"...

2009-11-01T18:46:00.004-06:00

This is a re-post from what I wrote on the Young Writer's Block a few days ago:

I am on Twitter. Yes, I really am...even though I've only posted some 192 times in the 6 or so months I've been on there...I AM ON TWITTER. And, so are a lot of other people. Some people have even become twittaholics (already...). And while people will block content on their pages from the masses, it doesn't mean an electronic trail hasn't been left on the world wide web.

I realize that at 24, there's a slight chance possibility that I may run for public office in 20 years. There's an even greater chance that I'll be an influential businesswoman in that same time frame *fingers crossed*. With that said, I choose to filter the thoughts I express in the blogosphere and on social networking sites because I don't want something coming back to bite me in the derriere when I'm 44-years-old and hopefully married with adolescents...*fingers crossed on that too*. But, I don't think everyone has thought about that. I think in getting caught up in the hype and controversial statements that secure more "followers", people have abandoned reason for laughs and keyboard-stroked smdh's.

For example, it may be funny when you first read about the Twitter wars that certain reality show personalities participate in, but do you really think they'll want to be reminded of their trivial battles years from now? On second thought, maybe they will since it will keep them relevant. Here's a better example: what about the young man who is 17-years-old? He decides amongst his high school buddies that it's a good idea to post demeaning comments about his weird Algebra 2 teacher. His Twitter account is "locked" (meaning it won't show up in the public timeline), but a "frenemy" has infiltrated his camp as a "follower". This "frenemy" decides he's tired of this popular young man stealing all the girls away at school and being the hater that he is decides to print and distribute this guy's posts around the school. Well, since he had a profile pic worthy to be a senior headshot with "@prettyjock09" next to it, it's easy tell who wrote the posts. Next thing you know, "@prettyjock09" is sitting at home with a 90-day suspension. Don't believe me, check the Memphis news outlets where a high-school boy was served a 180-day suspension for comments he made on a social networking site.

This post can take a turn and I can begin talking about the problematic accessibility of these networks and their threat in replacing wholesome human interaction, but I'll save that one for later. For now, I just want to remind everyone to think twice before writing 140 characters that could damage your future self's prospects and hold on to reason in the meantime. Trust, Twitter is the "ish" right now, but remember in '04 when facebook was or in '99 when Blackplanet was or even in '96 when AOL Instant Messenger was the real ish? Well, now only your parents are on AOL, Blackplanet doesn't exist (or does it?), and yep, your parents are on facebook too! Don't let a transitory fad diminish your light! Let's shine in '09 people...okay, I'm done.
Think Twice - Erykah Badu

in case i forget to tell you...

2009-10-30T03:28:00.001-05:00

I may not tell you as often as I should, but I LOVE YOU! Have a great day!

like whoa!

2009-10-28T12:38:00.003-05:00

I didn't get a chance to watch the BET Awards last night, but I saw this video on Soulbounce and HAD to repost!

living like you're bulletproof.

2009-10-22T19:10:00.002-05:00

"Bulletproof" Raheem DeVaughn and Ludacris

Reminds me of this:

once upon a time...

2009-10-14T18:12:00.005-05:00

...A young gentleman passed me a note in class. He and I had an on-again/off-again flirtacious (<---is that a word?) relationship between our junior and senior years of high school. He'd wink at me...I'd smile back, we'd chat on the phone for hours during the weeknight (only after our parents went to sleep), and quite frequently, we'd pass notes to each other in class. Well, one day, he passed me a note that contained some of the most beautiful poetry I'd ever read up until a certain point...

It read:
"When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall,
and in the back of my mind I hear my conscience call
telling me I need a girl who's as sweet as a dove
for the first time in my life, I see I need love."

My head started bobbin' a little bit, and I noticed I was starting to flow. I continued to read:

"There I was giggling about the games
That I had played with many hearts, and I'm not sayin no names..."

I thought, "Wait a cotton-pickin' minute! I think I've read this before..."

Yes. He had written me a "poem" that was so great that he actually took it from LL Cool J. The crazy part is that this guy really had talent as a writer. He only took the first few lines written above and the rest was him...trust, it was amazing! Like many of my male high school classmates, he tried his hand at being a MC; and like most, he didn't quite make the cut. However, if a guy quotes LL's "I Need Love" he might actually be half-decent. That song is raw!

Truth be told, I wouldn't mind someone quoting that to me now...
Well, maybe paraphrasing...I'd rather they come up with their own words. Time will tell.

my friends motivate me...

2009-10-07T22:25:00.004-05:00

My high school homie, Terrell Sass, produced this single as part of The J.E.T.S. Having friends like this (those that pursue their passion in life) motivate me to do the same. Kudos to you homie!

life is better...

2009-10-07T19:03:00.000-05:00

love it!

a thousand words: great expectations

2009-10-05T09:25:00.005-05:00

Some say, "a picture is worth a thousand words." I'd have to agree since art is interpreted differently by each person that views it. I'm still bringing the consistency, so "A Thousand Words" is a picture that you can interpret any way you'd like to. But there's one catch, it's a picture that I've taken! Here's my art, I hope you like it.

Jaden, "Great Expectations", 2007

reflection: keep your eye on the prize

2009-10-04T22:19:00.002-05:00

The last few weeks have been mentally rough. I want to step into purpose, yet the trees keep blocking the forest. It's almost like walking with my eyes closed - I'm getting lost. They say patience is a virtue, but I'm at the point where I'm tired of being patient. I'm ready to jump!

Reason keeps creeping into my thoughts forcing me to realize that patient preparation is a must if I truly want to be successful. I'm glad I've learned that success is measured not by financial gain, but by personal fulfillment. I'm successful if I revert to my former way of thinking, but as I live in the present I'm lacking...severely.

Even so, I keep my eye on the prize. I wake each morning praising God for another day to live in His perfect plan. I admit, it's hard to see past my today sometimes, but I'll get there...I'm getting there. I just have to take it one day at a time and appreciate the fact that I'm still here: living, breathing, and allowing my steps to be ordered.

"I am a rock of patience"

fall back friday: "something in my heart"

2009-10-02T20:11:00.004-05:00

In an effort to bring more consistency to my blog, I've decided to start what I'm calling "Fall Back Friday". I LOVE music. I can't remember names of songs, words to songs, and I rarely remember the artists' names; but nonetheless, I LOVE music (and google since it helps me find songs with minimal info). "Fall Back Friday" is just that - a night to chill and an old song to go with it. Enjoy!

Michel'le - Something in My Heart

my heart hurts.

2009-09-28T19:30:00.000-05:00

When will this end? Story.

but if we label this...

2009-09-23T20:42:00.002-05:00

"love poems" -Bilal
As we step from across the room
Starting to ponder what we've been goin through
What does my kiss mean to you?
Are we just friends, or is this more to you
But if we label this, just picture what we might lose, that unexpected kiss the whole feelin
that brought me to you

Meanwhile my feelings groooowwww
Groooowwww, etc.
But if we label this just picture what we might lose
That unexpected kiss that whole feelin that brought me to you

Why rush, why choose, why risk this thing, and ruin me and you
I want to love her and keep the friend, I wanna be near you and not pretend
But if we label this just picture what we might lose
That unexpected kiss the whole feelin that brought me to you

The whole thing has got me searchin....

i'm in denver trick!!!

2009-09-18T21:50:00.004-05:00

So, I've been traveling to Denver for the past few months, and this crazy song gets stuck in my head every week - "I'm in Denver trick"!!! I told my sister about it and then the search began to try to find this song! Finally, I found it on a Denver radio station's website, and my sister tells me she's actually heard it before. So, I'm like, "what!?!". Come to find out it's by this group called LMFAO and the song is really "I'm in Miami B!t@h!!!". My sis had heard it before because she watches Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian's Miami reality show, and it's actually played on there a lot.

However, in my quest to find that one song, I found a "new-to-me" group that's really good...in a goofy, college-humored kinda way. Either way, I like! Alot! Here's a clearly homemade video for their song "Yes". I'm just glad Redfoo (yes, that's his name) didn't crash! Sky Blu (part two of this electro/hip hop duo) is in the passenger seat.

Since they've been signed to Interscope, their "real" videos on youtube can't be embedded here, but please check out "La La La"

But here's another homemade treasure:

I hope you like them as well! I'm about to buy their CD and it's definitely going on my workout playlist...

UPDATE - Right when I finished writing this, my BFF called me and I began to tell her about this crazy new group I discovered. Then she tells me, "you know they've been all over MTV for a while now...I heard of them already". To that, all I could say was, "oh". Well, friends, there it is...I've been living under a rock for the last few months (don't blame me though; they don't have the so-called "cool" stations in my hotel room...plus, I stopped watching TV when I didn't have cable a couple years back...oh well, I still like them though!)

If you find yourself wanting more, check our their Myspace page.

BP3- the marriage chronicles?

2009-09-10T23:01:00.004-05:00

From the Root:
Jay-Z Should Rap About Marriage
He’s the most influential rapper in the world. If anyone can change young black men’s attitudes about marriage, all fingers point to Hov.
By Jozen Cummings

As we read MSNBC’s report about yet another sad study on the decline of marriage for successful black women, the very single Hill Harper releases The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships, and Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man still gets quoted, I find myself growing more and more irritated with the packaging of the message of black love. Sure it’s an important one, but if the message has any hope of being applied to everyday people, it not only needs to be delivered by fresh voices, it must also be directed toward a younger, less jaded demographic, which poses the question:
When are we going to hear one of these married or crazy-in-love rappers like Jay-Z rap about holy matrimony?

With one song, Jay-Z can do what Hill Harper, Steve Harvey and arguably the Obamas have not been able to do. He can make marriage cool. Jay-Z’s influence over young black men is palpable. As someone who grew up listening to Jay-Z, I say with no shame I have quoted Jay-Z lyrics as though they were the second coming of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have A Dream Speech.” In my Harlem neighborhood, young black men listen to Jay-Z like young black women watch and listen to Oprah Winfrey, and therein lies the biggest problem in the black relationship lecturing/literature game.

Jay-Z is clever, creative—and cagey—enough to rap about marriage without rapping about his own. As Jay recently said in his interview on HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, “Song Cry”—one of his most well-known songs about a break-up with a woman—wasn’t just about his own relationship, but two others as well. And when his songs aren’t about real-life experiences, he still has the ability to write the kind of rhymes young people follow as though they are gospel. On his 2004 album, The Black Album, Jay-Z rapped, "I don't wear jerseys/I’m 30-plus/give me a crisp pair of jeans/[expletive] button up," every guy ditched their throwback basketball jerseys in favor of button-up dress shirts.

When it comes to the marriage discussion, black men need to get involved. Black women are already on board. This week one of them will probably buy one of the two books written by Harvey or Hill or read another article in Essence about what they need to do to make a man happy. Meanwhile, by this time next week Jay-Z will probably have the No. 1 album in the country and a big reason will be because young black men everywhere listen to what he has to say and live vicariously through his lyrics.

On Jay-Z's latest album, The Blueprint 3, one song title grabbed my attention: "Venus VS Mars." Finally, I thought. Jay-Z is going to do a song about being a married man. After I listened, though, I was disappointed to discover the song wasn’t about marriage at all, but a fictional tale of a man (presumably Jay himself in his younger years) and his ups and downs with an unspecified woman who is his polar opposite. As for the rest of The Blueprint 3, which was officially released Tuesday, there are tons of references to Jay-Z’s coming of age and his evolution as a rapper pushing 40, but none of them involve speaking on his marriage to R&B superstar, Beyoncé.

And speaking of Bey, Jay-Z is married to perhaps one of the few artists who can sell more albums than him, yet he’s the first guy to spit a verse on one of his wife’s songs. He knows she’s just as famous—if not more than—he is, and yet he never asks her to play the background. As a pop/R&B singer, Beyoncé can always sing a song about love and marriage (even though she, too, remains mostly mum on being a wife both in songs and in interviews). But it’s not enough to lead by example. They go to great length to keep private their life as husband and wife, which is understandable, but also unfortunate. Jay-Z prides himself on keeping it real, and what’s more real than being married?

To be clear, hip-hop doesn’t have a vulnerability problem. There are plenty of rap songs about the ups and downs of being in a relationship, but marriage? In rap, it might as well be called the M-word because almost no rapper wants to say it in a song, let alone write three verses and a hook about it.

To Jay-Z’s credit, The Blueprint 3’s message is about growing up, something he hints toward on the album’s first song, “What We Talkin’ About.” He rhymes, “Come with me to the White House/ Get your suit up/ You stuck on being hard-core/ I chuck the deuce up.” It’s a noble, if subliminal, message coming from the man who wrote a song entitled “Girls, Girls, Girls” on his 2001 The Blueprint. And though Jay-Z has no such songs on his new Blueprint, there are also no songs about being with that one special woman—his wife.

Jozen Cummings is a former editor at VIBE and lives in Harlem. His new blog is Untiligetmarried.

let the debate begin!

2009-09-03T19:55:00.006-05:00

It's seems that Chris Rock's "docu-comedy" Good Hair is really getting the relaxed vs. natural debate into the public sphere. Here's an article from the NY Times about it:

Black Hair, Still Tangled in Politics
by Catherine Saint Louis
August 26, 2009

SILKY straight hair has long been considered by many black women to be their crowning glory. So what if getting that look meant enduring the itchy burning that’s a hallmark of many chemical straighteners. Or a pricey dependence on “creamy crack,” as relaxers are sometimes jokingly called.

Getting “good hair” often means transforming one’s tightly coiled roots; but it is also more freighted, for many African-American women and some men, than simply a choice about grooming. Straightening hair has been perceived as a way to be more acceptable to certain relatives, as well as to the white establishment.

“If your hair is relaxed, white people are relaxed,” the comedian Paul Mooney, sporting an Afro, says in the documentary “Good Hair,” which won a jury prize at the Sundance film festival and comes out in October. “If your hair is nappy, they’re not happy.”

The movie, made by Chris Rock, explores the lengths black women go to get long, straightened locks, from a $1,000 weave on a teacher’s salary to schoolgirls having their hair chemically relaxed.

In the face of cultural pressure, the thinking goes, conformists relax their hair, and rebels have the courage not to. In some corners, relaxing one’s hair is even seen as wishing to be white.

“For black women, you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t,” said Ingrid Banks, an associate professor of black studies at the University of California at Santa Barbara. “If you’ve got straight hair, you’re pegged as selling out. If you don’t straighten your hair,” she said, “you’re seen as not practicing appropriate grooming practices.”

Anyone who thought such preconceptions were outdated would have been reminded otherwise by some negative reactions to the president’s 11-year-old daughter, Malia Obama, who wore her hair in twists while in Rome this summer. Commenters on the conservative blog Free Republic attacked her as unfit to represent America for stepping out unstraightened.

Although legions of black women in America straighten their hair (including Michelle Obama), hair salons specializing in natural styles have proliferated, and more black women are working with their virgin hair. Many wear their twists, locks or teenie-weenie Afros (known as TWAs) with an attitude — proud to have not given in to the pressure to straighten hair. In “Good Hair,” Nia Long, the actress, describes the conventional wisdom that straightened hair is more desirable: “There’s always a sort of pressure within the black community, like ‘Oh, if you have good hair, you’re prettier or better than the brown-skinned girl that wears an Afro or the dreads or the natural hairstyle.’ ”

For some, the battle lines are drawn.

Read the rest here.

women with wanderlust

2009-09-02T08:33:00.000-05:00

thoughts in rant form...

2009-08-31T20:02:00.003-05:00

seasons change, people change - who's to blame?
you, for stagnating my growth...
or me, for allowing you to promote your bottomless pit of despair?
Honestly, who cares...

starting anew with the turn of autumn leaves,
i set fire to what was, and look forward -
never looking back. i cut the cord of
hurt, pain, distrust, and lies that bleed seeds of darkness.

i rise

i love

i live

...afar.

i can't live in retrospect.

Amen.

shockwaves...

2009-08-28T22:34:00.000-05:00

A War For Your Soul-Birmingham version from Erisai Films on Vimeo.

next up, STOP THE WORLD...

2009-08-06T17:54:00.003-05:00

right now..."I can't control this feelin, feelin feelin..."

i've got to do better...

2009-08-05T21:58:00.008-05:00

So, as you've probably noticed, I haven't been on my posting game lately. I must offer my sincerest apologies! I'm trying to revamp the way I do things here and regularly add my two cents to the blogosphere, but time hasn't been on my side. In the meantime, check out The Young Writers Block. I promise, you won't be disappointed :-)

One Love,
...:::nicky hazel:::...

...:::forgive me:::...

say no to the creamy crack!

2009-08-05T21:45:00.008-05:00

Good hair means being confident with what's naturally yours! We're still trying to bring mom over to the natural side...

i gotta feeling!

2009-08-01T13:10:00.001-05:00

...Loving God, Loving Life, Loving Me...

today was a good day...

2009-07-31T17:42:00.000-05:00

words cannot express...

UNION

2009-07-23T21:06:00.001-05:00

A poem my uncle wrote about our family:

Union

Union, the family name, our roots.
Union is a derivative of unity, derived from unit, which means one.
Let the bones of affection therefore unite us, that peace and happiness may dwell in our family. And when we separate in the world, let us remember the relation that binds us to love and unity, and prefer not a stranger before our own blood.
If they brother is in adversity, assist him. If thy sister is in trouble, forsake her not.
So shall the fortunes of out family contribute to the support of the whole family…and God’s care continue to be in us all in our love for each other.

that's what she said!

2009-07-23T21:03:00.000-05:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

clock with no hands

2009-07-10T00:01:00.004-05:00

If a clock had no hands, would you dream a little longer and have faith that's a little stronger?

Sometimes I get caught up in life. In planning, I forget to breathe and take in the beauty of today. Reflections eternal force me focus on preventing my yesterdays from becoming my tomorrows, and in between I get lost in the shuffle. I want to live what I imagine and love without falling. Yet, my yesterdays are blocking my tomorrows.

Today I breath. Today I live. Today I seek.

Sometimes its okay to be alone - that's where you discover the am that is I.

i need a vacation!!!

2009-06-30T09:12:00.003-05:00

Well, I'm actually on vacation right now. I'm going to New Orleans this weekend to party for Essence. But now I'm having trouble trying to figure what to do in the meantime. At first, I thought I'd just sleep in... Well, that idea got scratched once I was up with the sun this morning. What to do...what to do? Should I just chill? Hmm...that's actually kind of boring, but it's probably what I really need to do. Sometimes I just go-go-go, that I forget to take time to breathe. I know! How about I just make a list? If I get to it, good. If not, oh well...I'm on vacation! Do I really need to be accountable for anything right now?

The Vacay List:
1. Sleep
2. Sleep
3. Take a Nap
4. Read a book (actually finish one of the many I've been reading the last few months)
5. Write a few blogs (1 down, many more to come!)
6. Design some accessories (Yes, I'm finally about to launch my bizness...stay tuned!)
7. Research some ideas for my business plan
8. Work out (maybe that should go up on the list)
9. Don't think about work!!!
10. Organize my room (I just moved to Memphis! Maybe I should do a post about that...)
11. Post some albums to FB (I'm tired of folks asking, "when you gon put up dem pics from such-n-such..."
12. Groove to some good music
13. Take another nap
14. Work out some more
15. Write some letters to people/Call some people (<----that word looks really weird to me right now)
16. Try some new hairstyles (I'm still learning how to work with my natural hair - still loving it too!)
17. Lay out by somebody's pool (Got keep this Miami glow up!)
18. Watch a couple movies
19. Catch up on some TV (I've been tv-less for a few weeks, so I guess I can allow myself to finally watch the tube)
20. Be silent/Sit still

Alright, I think I got a good start. Let's see how many of these I actually accomplish.

What vacay suggestions do you have?

r.i.p. MJ

2009-06-25T17:41:00.003-05:00

You'll be missed.

all the single ladies...(part 2)

2009-06-22T08:38:00.006-05:00

[Note: Thanks to my girl @Uncanny'ed Thoughts for hipping me to this rebuttal. Gotta love a healthy debate!]

What Single Women CAN'T Learn from Michelle
by David Swerdlick of The Root

Like just about everyone else last week, I read “What Single Women Can Learn From Michelle”—Jenée Desmond-Harris’ sista grrl power manifesto—with keen interest. After all, I’m just as concerned as the next guy with staying up on what “successful black women, with college degrees, ambitious careers and five-year plans” are really thinking.

I ought to be—for 10 years I’ve been married to a woman who fits that exact description.

You can’t argue with Jenée’s thesis: her coterie of pedigreed, upwardly mobile black women have to dig deeper for unseen potential if they’re looking for “Mr. Right.”

But if Barack Obama Part Deux is what it’s going to take to satisfy them, then her advice is going to leave a lot of women single as hell.

Personally, I blame Dwayne Wayne. Those endless reruns of your favorite episodes of A Different World get y’all completely twisted when it comes to evaluating a potential mate. But that’s beside the point. Here are a few tips to straighten things out:

Read the rest here.

[Another Note (after you've read the article): I really don't agree with the "date an Asian, White, Hispanic guy" for the lack of good Black guys out there. There's a certain "je ne sais pas" about a Black man that I can't shake! Sue me:-)]

And, check out Uncanny'ed Thoughts here.

who doesn't like free music?

2009-06-17T08:46:00.002-05:00

If you like Raheem DeVaughn, click here for a free download of The Art of Noise.

Thank me later.

an amazing kid...

2009-06-13T00:04:00.000-05:00

Are you willing to join him?

I'm inspired.

all the single ladies...

2009-06-08T13:04:00.000-05:00

What Single Women Can Learn from Michelle
by Jenée Desmond-Harris of The Root

America has fallen for the Obamas. The history, the high glamour, the PDAs on the White House lawn. It’s a universal picture of love. But for many successful black women, with college degrees, ambitious careers and five-year plans, that enchantment has become something of an obsession.

Those of us hoping to find suitable mates in a dating landscape that is, statistically speaking, pretty grave, are absolutely giddy about the very existence of the first family and especially about the possibility that we could find our own Barack.

We’d give up three hair appointments in a row, our designer puppies and that annual tropical vacation with our best grad-school friends to meet a man like him. Brilliant. Confident. Best smile ever. So into his wife. On the cover of April’s issue of Washingtonian magazine, he appears shirtless to illustrate the publication’s No. 2 reason to love D.C. (“Our new neighbor is hot!”) But if we’d first encountered him the way Michelle did, as a regular guy, under the glow of office lights instead of the spotlight, would he have made our lists at all?

In footage that plays when the networks mention how our cool, young, black president shot hoops with his staff and friends on Election Day, Obama is close to gawky in a simple gray T-shirt tucked in just a bit too tightly. Between plays, you notice tapered pants pulled up a little too high. A slightly skinny build. In those few frames, he’s not the hottest guy on the court, let alone in the country. When he appeared as a presidential candidate on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, my initial swoon as he stepped on stage was short-lived. He playfully hip-bumped the host in an overly bouncy dance routine that embarrassed me into looking away. Suddenly, I was watching my boss get down at the company Christmas party or a friend’s dad grooving to Earth, Wind and Fire at her wedding. Not bad. Endearing, even. But “swagga” did not spring to mind. Sure, Obama is a dad and a boss to many . . . but I get the impression he’s been dancing like that his whole life.

I’ve played matchmaker, unsuccessfully, for scores of black professional women. And I’m convinced that Michelle’s got something on many of us. Not her intelligence or her confidence or sense of style, her glowing skin or the carved silhouette of her arms. I could fill a room with friends who have all these qualities to spare. I’m talking about the choices I imagine she made in those crucial moments between meeting Barack and deciding who he would be to her. She must have focused on an abundance of goodness instead of his hint of goofiness and fixated on a warm smile instead of a pair of oversized ears. It’s easy to see now that he was a great catch, but how many of us would have been open to this guy who strayed so far from the black Prince Charming ideal, starting with his very name?

Read the rest HERE.

L.O.V.E.

2009-06-05T12:19:00.001-05:00

Live Obediently, Victoriously and Elevated from fear. Love God. Love Yourself. Love Life. Love, L.O.V.E. It only takes one step.

(This is a repost from last May that I needed to read again)

relationship philosophy 101: the meet me or beat me principle

2009-06-04T17:50:00.006-05:00

Girl has passion. Girl has vision. Girl has direction.

Girl meets guy…Girl likes guy.

Guy is cute. Guy has a job. Guy seems nice.

Guy likes girl, too.

Hey, isn’t this a great start? Well, at first glance it seems that way, but when girl gets to know guy she begins to notice that he lacks passion, vision, and direction. Basically, he’s just a living, breathing being. That’s it. Cute. Living. Breathing. Being. IT.

Damn.

And this, my friends, is why I chose to follow the “meet me or beat me” principle: to better discern whether a guy is going to help me grow as a person or force me in some way to settle.

Here’s the story:

Once upon a time as a very naive college sophomore, my line sister said, “if a guy wants to get with me, he needs to ‘meet me or beat me.’”

I was thinking, “Why the heck would you want a guy to beat you?”

You told Harpo to beat Me?!

She explained, “To ‘meet me or beat me’ has nothing to do with a physical altercation, it means that a guy should be equally yoked with me so that we know we’re following a similar path in life.”
Yeah, I didn’t quite get it…but I digress.
She continued, “…nor does it truly have anything to do with finances – it’s about mutual support. Technically speaking, if you’re not doing either as well or better than me, then we just can’t be. If I have a vision for my life, understand my direction, and am passionate and driven enough to attempt to fulfill that vision, I need to be with a guy that can support that. At the same time, he should be committed to seeking his own heart’s desires. Money is secondary because that can be worked out in other ways. ”

Wow.

At 19, I thought this chick was on...well, some other “ish”. She was only 20, what the heck did she know about relationships and all that other jazz?! Looking back a short 5 years later, she was actually quite wise beyond her years. If I had actually heeded her advice at the time, I probably would’ve saved myself some heartache and drama. I’m also a bit hard-headed…

Luckily, I’ve remembered that conversation, and I have finally chosen to practice it in my interactions with potential suitors. Why? I’m hungry (“grrrr” says my stomach as it approaches lunchtime…yea, I digressed), thirsty…doggone parched almost…when it comes to my determination to succeed. I’m also tired of thinking that first impressions usually don’t delineate later interactions. Guys are simple…they’re usually the same a month in as they were the first night you met (well, if alcohol were in the mix, I guess you can blame it, but I digress…again). Plus, I’m at a point where I’m simply tired of games. Time ain’t short, but my patience is, and I’m saving A LOT of both from being wasted!

In fact, I usually can assess whether a guy will “meet me or beat me” with one simple question: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I’m sorry, but if he can’t come up with something for 1…2...3...4...5 years; he’s just not on my level! I’m not saying that he needs to have his life planned out ‘til death, but I think everyone can at least look out that far. But, maybe I’m missing something, maybe my question doesn’t get to the nitty gritty…

Either way, I’m satisfied with using this principle as one of the main ways to filter the potentials from the scraps. It’s what works for me. But what do you think? If you think someone should meet you or beat you, what would your question be? If you don’t agree with this philosophy, what’s something that you’ve adopted as a relationship principle?

Thoughts?

loving this too..

2009-05-30T15:17:00.002-05:00

daykeeper

2009-05-25T22:39:00.001-05:00

I've been listening to this song non-stop...

i heart michelle obama! part II

2009-05-22T08:31:00.006-05:00

The Meaning of Michelle Obama
by Nancy Gibbs & Michael Sherer, Time Magazine

It was just two days after the Inauguration when an e-mail went around to Michelle Obama's staff, instructing everyone to be in the East Room of the White House at 3 that afternoon. The First Lady's advisers arrived to find the room filled with ushers and plumbers, electricians and maids and kitchen crew gathered in a huge circle, and Michelle in a T shirt and ponytail, very casual and very much in charge.

Many of the household staff had served for decades; some had postponed retirement because they wanted to serve an African-American President. And so the two groups formed concentric rings and spent the next hour or so making sure that everyone had a chance to meet everyone else. I want you to know that you won't be judged based on whether they know your name, Michelle had warned her advisers. You'll be judged based on whether you know theirs.

Read the full article here.

guest post: introducing ChasiLove

2009-05-20T10:24:00.005-05:00

ChasiLove says...

There are two times in life that it is okay to be selfish: when it comes to your
health and your happiness. You are never too young or old.. Know
your status.

10-Year Old Fights Breast Cancer
AOL Health

(May 19) -- At only 10 years old, a California fifth-grader is battling breast cancer.

In March, Hannah Powell-Auslam complained to her mother about an itchy breast. When her mother checked the area, she found a lump and called the doctor, the San Gabriel Valley Tribune reported.
Full Article here.

i heart jada pinkett smith too!

2009-05-15T09:48:00.005-05:00

Go pick up this month's ebony today:

The article with Jada is truly inspiring! Here are some quotes that stuck out to me...
On her marriage with Will :

"When God has a plan, you ain't getting around it...People always ask me, 'Will, he's the biggest movie star in thw world and we ain't never heard of him with anybody. How do you keep him from stepping out on you?'...What it has to do with is Will's relationship with God and who he wants to be as a man for God. Once that relationship is in check and he's already made the commitment for the man he wants to be for himself, that just bleeds over to me. I'm his test on how to be that man."

On life and religion:

"I believe the worst thing a human being can do to another human being is to take away their God. At the end of the day, all we're trying to do is figure out how to live this life and be fulfilled"

The article really reminded me of this post. Enjoy!

i heart michelle obama!

2009-05-15T07:27:00.002-05:00

And if you heart her as much as I do, you must check out these websites:

Michelle Obama Watch
First Lady of Style

Enjoy!

life is precious

2009-05-13T17:02:00.004-05:00

I read PUSH for the first time when I was 16 years old, and it changed my entire outlook on life. I am so glad that it's been adapted to a movie to inspire, challenge, and encourage the masses. I cannot wait for it to premiere in theaters!

Synopsis:
With sheer audacity and utter authenticity, director Lee Daniels tackles "Push: Based on the Novel by Sapphire" and creates an unforgettable film that sets a new standard for cinema of its kind. Precious Jones (Gabourey "Gabby" Sidibe) is a high-school girl with nothing working in her favor. She is pregnant with her father's child - for the second time. She can't read or write, and her schoolmates tease her for being fat. Her home life is a horror, ruled by a mother (Mo'Nique) who keeps her imprisoned both emotionally and physically. Precious's instincts tell her one thing: if she's ever going to break from the chains of ignorance, she will have to dig deeply into her own resources. Don't be misled - "Push: Based on the Novel by Sapphire" is not a film wallowing in the stillness of depression; instead, it vibrates with the kind of energy derived only from anger and hope. The entire cast are amazing; they carry out a firestorm of raw emotion. Daniels has drawn from them inimitable performances that will rivet you to your seat and leave you too shocked to breathe. If you passed Precious on the street, you probably wouldn't notice her. But when her story is revealed, as Daniels does in this courageous film, you are left with an indelible image of a young woman who - with creativity, humor, and ferocity - finds the strength to turn her life around.

forgiveness

2009-05-12T17:00:00.002-05:00

starts with self.

Is He trying to grow me?